there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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