checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have post one night stand depression
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