I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
please don't ironically join a cult
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