sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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