haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
