before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
