Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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