you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
