Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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