I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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