The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
