Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
