I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
