I'm going to jail i love you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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