Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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