Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
