I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
