Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
