I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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