Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
