I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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