I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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