im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
