sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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