She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
