I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
