I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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