You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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