so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
