mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
