I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
