she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
