True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
