Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
