We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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