3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
