You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
