Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
