i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Fuck appropriateness.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
