that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
