The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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