But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
