If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
