no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
