After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
