i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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