It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I want to be your penis for a week.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
