didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
