I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
