i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
